by Bob Shepherd
It is not "treason against one's race." It is not self-hating liberals, or "gay white husbands." It is not masochistic 'pussy-whipped' geeks, or cuckolds. Rather, the appeal of more cordial ties between black and white is as natural and spontaneous as it is sensible and uplifting. It shines a gleam of hope for a better world, a new world coming -- perhaps even, the foretaste of a Promised Land. LOVE is of God, every religion reminds us. So why is there so much hate? Aren't we ourselves to blame? A white man who is paranoid about his wife's friendship with black people is showing his immaturity, and insecurity, and retrograde thinking, if not outright pathology.
A man does not own "his" wife. On the other hand, acknowledging (and addressing?) the husband's fears and insecurities (or incompleted upbringing) is not a bad thing.
Alexander the European sought to blend his race with the daughters and sisters (and even wives) of the Persians. True conquest is not subjugation, but union. I do not propose the elimination of distinctness. Did not God create the races? Look at the gorgeous and appealing qualities of a Black Man in the vigor of his strength. Is there not a Beauty and a sex appeal that speaks louder than words? Every race has its qualities. Eldridge Cleaver, a Black Man, praised the beauty, the delicacy and daintiness, the exquisite femininity of the almost "fragile" white woman. How perfectly they lend themselves to sophistication and elegance; how suitable to place them on a pedestal, too perfect to consume, but rather made to be showcased, and adored. Danger!!
Again, I do not envision a thorough amalgamation of the races into a golden in-between, blending out all uniqueness or distinction. But what I do propose is deliberate encouraging of interracial friendship, soirées, socials, get-togethers, fun nights out, dances, formals and balls, and yes, wining and dining. Friendship must include the sexes. It is unfathomable to try to have philia without eros. The politically correct "handshake" of Black and White is normally presented as a male-male "brotherhood" 1950's style. The purpose of that is transparent -- in order not to provoke the insecurities and jealousies of white men paranoid that "his" women might see something too appealing in the Black Man.
Thus Black Man became the bête noir, the ultimate phallic threat, to white man's position of unearned power and privilege. The subconscious terror afflicting white man is that 'integration' will deprive him of not only his wives, and children, and loved ones, but his unearned power and privilege and pampered lifestyles as well.
It is time to move beyond that white male paranoia, fear and bullying -- in the social realm. The true conquest of love will not lead to subjugation by force, nor will occur through subjection by force. It was force and violence in history that got us into this mess. The rapes and floggings and tortures and auction block is the deep and wrenching undercore of American history, however much the consciousness tries to hide from it. Politically correct history books avoid mention of the hundreds and thousands of lynchings and burnings and beatings and castrations. Rather the emphasis is on the little progress, inch by inch. Lincoln, forced into glory, freed the slaves (to be sent to Africa?). Nominally free but with neither forty acres and a mule, nor even a basic grubstake, freedmen turned to the one thing they knew, hardscrabble farming and subsistence agriculture -- sharecropping. Urban laboring classes fought for inclusion, and cried for reform. Populist westerners mistrusted immigrants, but also fought to make their voice heard. Finally women got the right to vote, and gradually we have witnessed change.
The watershed event of the 20th century may well have been the Civil Rights movement. The revolution was not one of one race over another, but a revolution of love over hate, and the ideal of possible unity over violence and scape-goating of victims at the hands of privileged, but insecure, oppressors. It was a revolution that held up the prospect of a better way to effect change. Not through intimidation, or the law of the Lynch, the law of arson and violence and hate. But rather change through an appeal to the better angels of our nature. E Pluribus Unum. Though different, are we not really the same, in God's eyes? What a wonderful rainbow the Creator has made this world. It is time we return to God's ordained acceptance of Love, and Joy, and Beauty.
coniunctio oppositorum
Margarete Mitscherlich (1985) wrote
"A particularly important task falls to women: They, the traditionally oppressed ones, appear to be increasingly sensitive to old and new forms of oppression, oppression by technocrats and specialists, oppression by theorists and magicians of specialized knowledge and all these modern verbal deceptive maneuvers that obscure reality."
"Women's heightened sensitivity to all forms of repression .... needs to be employed more forcefully for the good of us all. It is up to women to change the primary sadomasochistic forms of socialization that lie at the root of relations between the sexes. It is up to women to prevent their male counterparts from constantly finding scapegoats, whether in private, professional, or political life. It is up to women to withhold their admiration, an admiration that is necessary to preserve this aggressive male mentality, from male pretensions of intimidation and self-glorification, the roots of so many violent actions and belligerent disputes."
All too long the pampered elites have fought change, and resisted needed reforms. White men need to take the lead. Why can't we try zebra shindigs, interracial friendship parties, weekly "bridge-building" dances and fun nights where white men can truly become acquainted with Black Men.
Black Men need to come to the place where they can FORGIVE white folks enough to truly embrace in the differences, and offer (as the Bible says) the kiss of peace, and healing. The proof of this will be the free and uncoerced love (both philia and eros) that you show to "the white man's woman."
Second, the "white man's woman" must reach the point of LOVE for white man -- her husband or brothers or father -- that she will stand up to them, and assume the strength to say, "I am your equal. I am not your slave. Read the 13th amendment. Treat me with the dignity I deserve. I am worth it."
And finally, leave no one behind. The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife. Honesty once again, so it seems, turn out to be the best policy. The brittle psyche of insecure white man is not healhty, it is psychosis. Racism and bullying is a malignancy -- a 'perversion,' in fact. The medicine it calls for is the confrontation of victims who will not "take it" any longer. Rebellion to tyranny may well be obedience to God. It is not hate when you confront your husband, or hold up a mirror so he must acknowledge his failings. It is not "adultery" that you build bridges of concord (even spontaneity and romance) between white and black.
Moreover, the honesty she releases may be the spark that ignites white-boy to get in touch with his own inner guilt. Like a fire, her excitement is a contagion, a devouring conflagration. Be true to yourself, Woman! (as Victoria Claflin Woodhull urged.)
I focus on America's most obsessive combination: white woman and black man. This is the lightning rod relationship. There is no taboo more "dangerous" TO THE AMERICAN PSYCHE. If this one can be healed, everything else will fall into place. All of them are important. But we will never reach the promised land, till all our dealings are ruled by love, rather than fear and hate and artificial barriers.
Did you know:
When Julia Roberts was born in Atlanta in 1967 (October 28), her mother's hospital bill was paid for by Coretta Scott King, wife of the Civil Rights leader, the great Martin Luther King, Jr. (who would be slain less than a year later). Mrs. King had a background in performing arts, specifically had been trained as a musician (Antioch College in Ohio) -- before marrying Martin. Like any mother, she wanted her children to have the advantage of similar opportunities she had had, and enrolled them in the acting school run by Julia's parents, the Roberts. As a thank-you for their service, Mrs. King paid the hospital bill when the baby Julia was born. Now, for Julia looking back, what an honor. (And after Julia's phenomenal success vice versa, for all of us who love Dr. King).
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